I Am 1 in 4

Sorry I have been a little absent this past week. As I head into a "season" of dreaded dates - finding out I was pregnant, miscarrying, etc. On top of that, this seems to be baby season for many in my circle of family/friends.

Today is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day and I am simply copying here what I shared on Facebook today. It was a huge step for me because although I have been much more open on this blog about our loss there are so many in my "real" life that we never told. And now it is out there for all the world to see with our names on it. So many of you who follow this blog have been of great comfort and support to me over this past year and am truly grateful...thank you.

Why is this such an awkward difficult thing to say? Last November Gary and I lost our baby at 7 weeks. We had been beyond thrilled to be expecting (of course, we were a little overwhelmed too). We were waiting the "proper" amount of time to share our news with the world. However, instead we ended up telling more people that our baby was gone than we told our baby was coming. 

It has been, by far, the most painful and isolating ordeal we have ever been through (and continue to go through). I read an article recently referring to miscarriage as the Voldemort of women's health issues. We dare not speak its name. Why is that? Truth is, I do feel shame and embarrassment. Not that it was my fault, but somehow that I am less because I couldn't protect my baby. Obviously, this is not my logical brain talking, but my raw emotions. At times, I feel in a society that calls babies fetuses and allows them to be terminated at will, that my baby at 7 weeks is not considered the same as a "real" baby. That somehow the grief we feel would be considered a complete overreaction. 

No woman wants to think about the 1 in 4 (or 5) chance her pregnancy will end without the birth of a healthy baby. Maybe that is why we keep quiet. Life goes on, babies will come to so many other couples all around us. We can be (and are) truly happy for those couples and still grieve our loss. The task has become how does one navigate everyone else's joy while carrying their greatest sorrow? 

Even as I write this I know several of you are eagerly awaiting the arrival of your little one or have recently welcomed a sweet son or daughter and that makes me truly self-conscious writing this. Please know that we are incredibly happy for you and we don't want you to "spare our feelings" by minimizing or hiding your joy around us. However, there are sure to be moments an unbidden tear will slip out or we might need to take a moment away. We may just need an extra hug and a kind word that acknowledges the bundle of joy we will never hold and all the moments we will never have with our son or daughter.