Working Through Week One

I wrote this post in two parts because I wanted to accurately portray my feelings about the first week of Double Light.  Let's just jump in.

(Wednesday night) I wanted to write at least this part of this post right away. I finished day 3 of Double Light tonight and had a bit of a meltdown during it. I know the workout is not some horribly difficult thing, but it is much harder than I feel like it should be. I feel so embarrassed that I am starting in the basement of fitness. I can see my husband in the penthouse and it makes me more self-conscious. I want him to be proud of me...yes, I want to be proud of myself just as much. Today I am not, and worse yet I don't believe in myself. Thankfully, I have a husband (and you guys) who do believe in me. However, I want to know that I know that I can (and will) do this. I know I am going to have to start with baby steps and that doesn't satisfy me at the moment.  As I wrote that I just thought about our foster son. He learned to walk when I was with us. He was grumpy, whiny, clingy, etc. at the same time he was learning to walk.  Perhaps this is my 12 month regression - the emotional struggle babies go through when they are learning those big things like walking and talking :) However, I will NEVER forget the joy he had when he figured it out...he kept walking between my husband over and over again with the biggest grin - getting more excited with each step. Be the baby, Anna.

I want to see into a future where I have succeeded. A future where I feel good, look good and am justifiably proud of my accomplishment. I will look back at this week when the beginning was so challenging, when I cried and struggled through what someday will be the simplest of workouts. Yes, you read that right, I cried while doing my strength training tonight - frustration, shame, fear, pain (not pain in a injury way, but in a "dang, this is hard" way). My husband was a super star trainer...he didn't give up on me and certainly didn't let me give up on myself.

(Friday morning) Good news - Day 4 went better.  Last night was the "Anna 4 by 20" challenge.  It is four circuits of the following:  20 seconds of jumping jacks, 20 seconds of marching plank, 20 seconds of squats and 20 seconds of flutter kicks".  I was actually a little excited (along with nervous) about trying it. I think I like a specific goal.  My husband desperately wanted to record the whole workout...I desperately did not want to record any of it. We compromised. I allowed him to video only the second circuit. My thought was that for the first circuit I would still be figuring out how to do everything right. The third and fourth circuit I might be completely spent.  So second it was. Before you get too excited I am not posting the video...yet. The current plan is to do the challenge later down the road to evaluate improvements.  For now, I can't quite face posting the "best before video of all time" on the interwebs...where it will float forever. Instead, here is my face after finishing the four circuits. Tired and a little bit proud :) 

Even though I did not enjoy watching my video there were a few things I learned. I am super graceful getting up and down off the floor...actually, I already knew that :)  I thought my plank position was much better than it really was - get that butt down!! Jumping jacks require a more supportive bra - though I noticed my floppy belly more during the actual workout). So even if you don't want the whole world to see, I think an occasional video of yourself is a useful tool. Hopefully, we will circle back to this and I can post the video alongside another video that shows improvements.

Now that I am getting rolling on this workout, I need to tighten up the eating plan. This week has probably been about 50/50.  Below is the "good" 50 (sorry no pictures of the "bad" 50 - you've all seen chips and cookies anyway, right?)

I am obsessed this week with lettuce wraps. Every night, I am bummed that I still have not found my sauce recipe. So, I am pretty much eating a "hand salad" (no dressing) every night.

I am reasonably certain that Millie is most interested in the chicken part of my "hand salad."  I let her watch until she started slobbering, then I sent her away to pout :( 

Tonight is the end of week one of my personal training adventure. Saturday and Sunday are "rest" days. I am planning to get in some walking though. In my ideal world, I want to walk or swim 3 or 4 times a week in addition to this workout. But I am taking it one step at a time.

Tomorrow I am hitting the farmers' market. Hopefully, the asparagus lady will be there again!!  Sunday is my baby nephew's high school graduation.  What is on your weekend agenda?