This quote seems to be popping everywhere in my world recently. Maybe someone is trying to tell me something. Or maybe it is all over social media because it just speaks to so many of us who are working through this journey. The application goes far beyond weight-loss.
I had been enjoying greater self-confidence with the success I had been having. I was losing weight, getting fitter, and loving my new blog-life. Now I am just plain frustrated. My weight is up and I am struggling to keep it from going up more.I am not getting in the exercise. And my blogging is sporadic. Then rises the fear that not only am I not going forward, but even worse, I am losing all that I have gained in the past year.
I feel weak. Maybe I just can't do this for the long run. I know a great portion of my current eating/weight struggle is a result of the emotional and physical "trauma" I have been through in the last two months, but I fear letting it become an excuse. I don't want to look back in a couple years and remember when I lost that weight and then gained it all back. I don't want to lose that great group of blogging friends I used to know before I guiltily slunk back to the sidelines.
This year, I wanted to go into the holidays focused on maintaining my loss while enjoying some of the treats of the season. Sure it would be great to lose weight over the holidays, but I thought if I kept up with the exercise and just maintain I would be okay with that. Here it is December 5 and that is not happening. I have gained a few pounds and am struggling to not gain more. I feel like I "should" be doing everything in my power to get back to my low. Therefore, I am not "enjoying" the treats of the season. I am feeling that old familiar "holiday guilt" settling on me. The voice in my head is saying things like:
"Anna, you don't deserve to eat that."
"I know you love baking and family, but you have no business holding a "cookie frenzy" baking party with your family."
"If you do xyz then next year can have fun."
"Sleeping in is plain laziness."
"You are not being a good wife when you are worried about so much."
What am I going to do to get my head straight? I don't know. I am torn between letting myself off the hook this time and kicking myself in the hiney for failing. I have been contemplating what would I tell my friend, if she were in my situation and having this struggle. I would want her to be kind to herself. She is emotionally battered right now and adding this kind of stress and guilt has no value. The important thing is to be aware of current issues, but not give up and realize she will get through this like she has gotten through all the battles in the past. Maybe there will be a few extra pounds, but that does not negate her overall successes or make her a bad person. A setback is not failure. And dismissing all those negative thoughts will allow her an opportunity for hope to grow again.
I think the best thing that I have heard for situations like this is to take it one day at a time. Don't even think about next week or monthly goals or even weekly goals. Have one goal each day. For me right now it's to do some kind of movement. If that's a short walk around the block or an actual run. Getting through the hard times in life isn't about big gestures. It's the quiet voice that speaks up every day saying I will try again. You are a strong and wonderful person. And you will get through this. Plus, we're not letting you slink anywhere. You're stuck with us, dammit!
ReplyDeleteThank you...you are always so encouraging :) For the record I am happy to be "stuck" with you guys :)
DeleteGuilt is a horrible feeling and I often gets huge bouts of anxiety when I start worrying too much about what I am eating, how much I am eating, is this weight loss plan manageable long run. Just like you, I burned out a few months ago and I was emotionally a wreak. Maybe taking a little break from obsessing might be a good thing. Concentrate on one thing, like don't worry about the sweets as long as you are moving each day. I challenged myself to 30 miles in November for exactly that reason, I was crazy emotional and overwhelmed, so I decided as long as I was walking, I was okay. Give some time for your body to heal and rest. It needs some extra TLC from the sounds of it. Spoil yourself, give yourself a break and above all no guilt. Guilt never does anything for anyone!! *hugs* I hope things get better real soon!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words. Guilt is bad and here is to sending it packing :)
DeleteListen to your inner friend... she has some great advice there! "A setback is not failure"... I love that!! And it is so true. Personally, looking at it from an outsider looking in, I think you've got this... My vote is to let yourself off the hook. Today, tomorrow, and all the days after that are an opportunity to celebrate the successes you have had and the new successes that each day can bring. Some days, eating five cookies instead of a whole box is more monumental than running a marathon! Hang in there and please be kind to yourself. You ARE more than that number on the scale.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am working on being a better friend to myself...why are we always hardest on ourselves?? So true, some days 5 cookies instead of the box is a definite win :)
DeleteI echo what everyone else has said and just wanted to add that I think right now you are being too hard on yourself. Just take a step back and focus on one thing at a time as it comes even if it's one meal at a time. Even one single mile of a walk is better than nothing. Give yourself some time. Much (((LOVE AND HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteThank you for your constant encouragement. I will try to ease up on myself, yet remember "the hand" is never far away :)
DeleteI love the quote. You know at my size maintenance seemed like a big no..no... Who sets out to maintain 397 pounds, but what I realized is that maintaining means hanging on to all the great habit changes that I currently maintained. It means further solidifying the foundation that I put in place over the last 16 months. Starting in January I will build on more. For now I am counting my calories the best I can and exercising. I am focusing on not getting into all or nothing thinking. I am also weighing more frequently, so I don't let myself get to out of hand. yesterday we had a party, and I totally ate too much. (like past the point) Then this morning I wake up eating deserts left over. I have tracked what I ate this morning, and I am going to focus on staying within my calories today. You are doing great!!! Hang in there ;)
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you are learning maintenance as you go along. I think that will definitely help you in the long term. Here is to a spectacular 2015!
DeleteI am going to say the same thing as everyone else. Take it one day at a time. Make your goal to drink water, to get out of bed, to make it through the day, the hour, the fifteen minutes. Take teeny, tiny steps and you will make it. We're all here willing to pull you up when you fall down. So is your husband. I know I personally have a hard tiem leaning on other people, so if you are that way then, do it. Just lean. Let someone else hold you up. It doesn't make you a failure. It makes you human.
ReplyDeleteHUGS to you, my friend.
Like Tiina said, you're stuck with us.
Thank you for being so supportive - I am very lucky in the support department. Now, I just need to get my head back in the game before I do much more damage :)
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