Friday, May 19, 2017

Working Through Week One

I wrote this post in two parts because I wanted to accurately portray my feelings about the first week of Double Light.  Let's just jump in.

(Wednesday night) I wanted to write at least this part of this post right away. I finished day 3 of Double Light tonight and had a bit of a meltdown during it. I know the workout is not some horribly difficult thing, but it is much harder than I feel like it should be. I feel so embarrassed that I am starting in the basement of fitness. I can see my husband in the penthouse and it makes me more self-conscious. I want him to be proud of me...yes, I want to be proud of myself just as much. Today I am not, and worse yet I don't believe in myself. Thankfully, I have a husband (and you guys) who do believe in me. However, I want to know that I know that I can (and will) do this. I know I am going to have to start with baby steps and that doesn't satisfy me at the moment.  As I wrote that I just thought about our foster son. He learned to walk when I was with us. He was grumpy, whiny, clingy, etc. at the same time he was learning to walk.  Perhaps this is my 12 month regression - the emotional struggle babies go through when they are learning those big things like walking and talking :) However, I will NEVER forget the joy he had when he figured it out...he kept walking between my husband over and over again with the biggest grin - getting more excited with each step. Be the baby, Anna.

I want to see into a future where I have succeeded. A future where I feel good, look good and am justifiably proud of my accomplishment. I will look back at this week when the beginning was so challenging, when I cried and struggled through what someday will be the simplest of workouts. Yes, you read that right, I cried while doing my strength training tonight - frustration, shame, fear, pain (not pain in a injury way, but in a "dang, this is hard" way). My husband was a super star trainer...he didn't give up on me and certainly didn't let me give up on myself.

(Friday morning) Good news - Day 4 went better.  Last night was the "Anna 4 by 20" challenge.  It is four circuits of the following:  20 seconds of jumping jacks, 20 seconds of marching plank, 20 seconds of squats and 20 seconds of flutter kicks".  I was actually a little excited (along with nervous) about trying it. I think I like a specific goal.  My husband desperately wanted to record the whole workout...I desperately did not want to record any of it. We compromised. I allowed him to video only the second circuit. My thought was that for the first circuit I would still be figuring out how to do everything right. The third and fourth circuit I might be completely spent.  So second it was. Before you get too excited I am not posting the video...yet. The current plan is to do the challenge later down the road to evaluate improvements.  For now, I can't quite face posting the "best before video of all time" on the interwebs...where it will float forever. Instead, here is my face after finishing the four circuits. Tired and a little bit proud :) 

Even though I did not enjoy watching my video there were a few things I learned. I am super graceful getting up and down off the floor...actually, I already knew that :)  I thought my plank position was much better than it really was - get that butt down!! Jumping jacks require a more supportive bra - though I noticed my floppy belly more during the actual workout). So even if you don't want the whole world to see, I think an occasional video of yourself is a useful tool. Hopefully, we will circle back to this and I can post the video alongside another video that shows improvements.

Now that I am getting rolling on this workout, I need to tighten up the eating plan. This week has probably been about 50/50.  Below is the "good" 50 (sorry no pictures of the "bad" 50 - you've all seen chips and cookies anyway, right?)

I am obsessed this week with lettuce wraps. Every night, I am bummed that I still have not found my sauce recipe. So, I am pretty much eating a "hand salad" (no dressing) every night.
I am reasonably certain that Millie is most interested in the chicken part of my "hand salad."  I let her watch until she started slobbering, then I sent her away to pout :( 
Tonight is the end of week one of my personal training adventure. Saturday and Sunday are "rest" days. I am planning to get in some walking though. In my ideal world, I want to walk or swim 3 or 4 times a week in addition to this workout. But I am taking it one step at a time.

Tomorrow I am hitting the farmers' market. Hopefully, the asparagus lady will be there again!!  Sunday is my baby nephew's high school graduation.  What is on your weekend agenda?


  1. Oh, girl...I am SO with you! Starting sucks cookies, no doubt. But if it helps, I'm starting (over) this week, too. Nowhere to go but up, eh? Awesome, awesome job on the workout!! :) Can't wait to see your next progress report!

    1. Nowhere but up :) I can't wait until I can look back and see the progress.

  2. I am so stinking proud of you! Great job this week and those wraps actually look tasty! I'll join Millie in drooling over them!

    1. Thanks, Des! I got some sesame oil this weekend so I think I will finally make sauce to dip them in.

  3. You can't reach that penthouse without passing all of the other floors. You're on the right track, girl! keep it up!

    Also, I too notice my floppy belly when doing things like jumping jacks. So aggravating.

  4. I think you killed that workout. And I still think that you and Gary are just the sweetest people and I puffy heart how much he wants you to succeed!