Christmas Unwrapped

It has been an emotional end to our year.  After losing our baby, there came a point when I didn't want to do the weight-loss/fitness thing.  I didn't want to deny myself treats of the season, I didn't want to force myself to workout when what I really wanted was to stay in bed and cry. Bottom line, adding more stress and self-condemnation to my plate was not going to help me get through this time. So I let myself off the hook. 

There was a brief period when I thought I was rebounding, but as Christmas approached the harder our loss hit me.  When we found out I was pregnant I immediately started thinking about how different these holidays would be.  They would be our last as a family of two.  They would be filled with celebrating our news with friends and family.  There might even be a present or two under the tree for our little one.  Instead, the holidays were filled with a sadness I didn't know I could feel. Everything seemed to make me dissolve into tears.

I did my best to "suck it up"and do the things we normally do for the holidays.  One of my favorite traditions is our annual Cookie Frenzy. We host our families for a day silliness and serious cookie production. This year we had 8 or 9 treats on the agenda. will say being super busy in the kitchen surrounded by those you love helps.

The bounty

The elves

New recipe - Hot Chocolate Cookies.  Yum!

Mini Gingerbread Houses - Loved my niece's Christmas tree house. 

Cranberry Pistachio Stars.

My husband building houses - Millie supervising (or waiting for something to drop).

Mischief always breaks out...especially with these two...

and these two.

Everyone went home with a box of goodies.

Sometimes the anticipation of something is much worse than the actual thing. I dreaded Christmas this year. I ended up making it through without any major meltdowns and enjoyed time with family.  On Christmas Eve we have dinner at my sister's house.  Then we come home and open our presents to each other.  This year we added taking Millie for a car ride to see the Christmas lights. She wasn't impressed, but I love looking at lights. Then Christmas morning we go back to my sister's for breakfast and present opening with my side of the family.  Christmas afternoon is spent at the farm with my in-laws.

Of course there were some fun presents...

As much as I had been dreading Christmas, I could not have anticipated the worst moment. While we were at my in-laws farm a raccoon wandered to the edge of the timber near their house. It made its way into the yard and seemed completely oblivious to the dogs', cat's and people's efforts to scoot it back into the woods.  Of course, it was adorable and I took a bunch of pictures. Then as we watched it, it sat up on its back legs and appeared to start to seize, then it tipped over on its side in full seizure. It was horrible. It became clear the raccoon was suffering and the best option seemed to put it out of its misery. The girls went back inside and the guys handled the situation. I felt bad for my brother-in-law having to be the one to do it. No matter the circumstances the end of a life is never easy.

R.I.P. Mr. Raccoon

Thankfully, my husband's aunt brought a fun project that got our minds off the incident.  Gingerbread houses:)

My husband and I built this house.  Looks good from this angle, but the wall on the far side fell down.

Since we couldn't fix it I decided we need to have something inside the house to make it look intentional. I had limited resources so here we are all snug in our bed :)

There were definitely good moments during an especially difficult holiday season.  I am thankful for my family and friends...and ready for a new year.