With the majority of the flooring project finished life is getting back to normal. Sure there is still trim to be installed (probably August) and a mini mountain of stuff to be put away/organized, but it has not been my central focus this weekend.
A weekend that I have been dreading actually turned out rather well. Sunday was the due date I had been given for the baby we lost. Months ago, July 12 became a date I marked in my mental calendar to be the happiest day of our lives. Now that date will always be a painful reminder of the little one we never got to hold. A reminder of the little one we never got to share with everyone else.
Although I have been very open about our loss on this blog, in my real life there are only a few people who know. I have been thinking quite a bit about why we are so "quiet" about miscarriages. The grief is real and often intense. Sometimes, I wonder if the "secrecy" makes it more difficult. On a day like yesterday the loss is magnified and yet no one mentions it (outside my closest confidantes). Before this became a part of our life I couldn't relate to the pain other couples, who lost babies,went through. I feel badly, that I didn't give them the love and support they may have needed. Frankly, I just didn't know what to say so I said nothing. Truth is there is nothing to say that eliminates the pain. However, I now know that having your baby acknowledged and reminders that you are loved, really does help carry you through the pain.
I made a special effort to keep myself busy this weekend with things I enjoy - garden, cooking, family, etc. Friday night started out with a nice grilled dinner. I can't remember the last time we fired up the grill. Even though the main dish was a burger it was far from the fast food variety we have had too much of recently. I added chopped jalapeno to the ground beef. Then we topped the burgers with grilled onions and garden fresh tomatoes (finally!). Instead of fries there were delicious grilled asparagus spears. Unfortunately, our corn (store bought) was a fail - maybe it was too old when picked. The banana peppers were from my boss' garden. I have always had sweet banana peppers, but these had some serious heat.
Later that evening we realized our a/c had gone out. Finally, we were scheduled to have a weekend of sunshine (along with temps in the 90s and humidity you would not believe). And this was the moment our a/c decides to croak. Thankfully, my brother-in-law has a little a/c experience and was able to determine it had blown a fuse.
At the risk of embarrassing ourselves, I am sharing this picture of our shame. PSA - When an a/c unit can't "breathe" it is going to blow a fuse. We have hosed out our unit, from the inside. Little did we know all this gunk (I think it is mostly grass clippings) was built up around the outside (hidden by the shield, which has been removed in this picture.) If you are going to clean your a/c unit yourself please be sure to remove the shield and clean from both sides. With all that removed and a pair of fuses ($13) the a/c has been running flawlessly this weekend. We are so grateful for this cheap fix and a lesson learned.
Saturday afternoon while I baked a quadruple batch of chocolate chip cookies.... If you look closely you will see the book I read to them right before they fell asleep...The Little Red Hen.
I made the cookies so I could make ice cream sandwiches for the my sister and her friends. They organized and held a HUGE yard sale this weekend. I am sure they earned every calorie.
I have decided that my new room will be known as the "studio." It is a creative zone for sewing, crafts, photography, etc. I even have plans to save some floor space to try some at home yoga. If I am not in the room I am gleefully peeking in and imagining all the fun I am going to have in there :)
It was great to take a break from all the work we have been doing and have a fairly relaxing weekend. It does wonders for me emotionally to be getting back to things I love.